There are four types of relationships for which one can seek when they’re searching for a partner, and all of them are distinguished by different belief systems and value structures; these include: long-term committed, short-term and non-committed, transactional, and dissociative. These relationship types exist on a spectrum, with the foremost existing in the most intimate and devoted part of the spectrum, and the latter existing in the least. These are important categories to keep in mind, as they reveal what type of relationship one is seeking, as well as the kind of individuals one should be seeking correspondent to their goals and values. This is where the search starts, and intraspective meditation on what one is truly seeking, and an interpersonal examination of how others reflect such a perspective. In this piece, we’ll address the first of these types; long-term committed relationships.
Purpose in Commitment
Marriage is a social norm with which virtually everyone is familiar. It’s common and expected that at some point, one should get married, and start a family; but how much of this is reflective of cultural and institutional norms? Many people are hesitant to get married, while others pursue it from the very first date they have with someone. While it may be common and even expected that most people get married, one thing must be in place first in order to do so, and that’s a maturity and belief structure that compels one to make personal sacrifices for- and to act in service of- another individual. This may seem rather excessive to those who place little value and faith in relationships as a whole. After all, acting in service to another is often interpreted as an unfortunate consequence of placing oneself in a position of inferiority, but consider this; the reason people submit to a partner is multifaceted and meaning-oriented. Individuals place faith in their partner, and wish for their partner to do the same, all in the hope that they will both bear a series of benefits; but not benefits exclusive to either partner, but ones that could only exist mutually by their very nature. Essentially, people seek long-term committed relationships because they wish to reveal all their vulnerabilities, authentic self, and history to another individual; they wish to have someone who will always remain faithful and loyal regardless of circumstance. In other words, they are seeking a relationship that transcends the material interests and selfish impulses that guide much of human interaction. This carries many risks, namely the ability to completely destroy a person; nonetheless, committed partners trust each other with this knowledge because they wish to have a profound, meaningful relationship. The reason so many people aren’t ready for marriage is that they aren’t capable of caring much for themselves, yet alone another person; and that aside, many lack the capacity to place so much faith and trust in another individual. Others might simply be lazy or view such an investment- a life-long investment for most- as a waste of their time.
The Right Kind of Relationship
One may wonder then; how do I know if this is the right kind of relationship for me, and how do I search for someone who shares in the same goals if it is? The answer to the first question is simple, it is very much the right kind of relationship for you. Despite objections from progressive cultural elites attempting to downplay the importance of marriage, or the hubris of youth attempting to remain free of commitment and hard work in order to garner more freedom and fun, there is one undeniable truth about relationships. Marriage makes you better; it forces you to work harder, to develop into a better individual, to be a more compassionate and forgiving person, to be more faithful and trusting, and to not excuse your mistakes or shortcomings. This is because your actions matter, they matter a hell of a lot more than if they were applied to your interactions with a close friend, a family member, a stranger, or yourself. Someone has handed you the keys to their own destruction, and that entails a massive amount of responsibility and self-control. You can’t just fly off the handle at your partner, or simply decide to laze about while they’re in distress, or ignore them if you don’t like what they have to say; there are serious obligations entailed in the relationship. And above all else, you have to be completely faithful to this person, otherwise it would fail to remain an exclusive partnership with undivided attention existing between two partners. There is no room for a third, and certainly no more than that; any excessive or chaotic elements introduced into the relationship undermine its rigidity and durability, and there is no more chaotic element than another human being; and that’s putting aside the fact that if another person were included, one’s heart would be torn between the interests and needs of two different people. Such a state could never foster true openness or loyalty, nor would it result in a united front which exists in a committed partnership. Two can act as one, and become one, but never more than that.
Considering Your Options: Things to Look For
However, the answer to the second question is far more complicated. It’s impossible to know for sure if someone is a good option for a long-term relationship. There are signs, such as whether they are emotionally unstable, selfish, brash, callous, self-serving, lustful, lazy, or close-minded; but one could never know for sure. For example, what if the person you’re seeking to pursue a long-term relationship with possesses just one of these traits? Everyone is flawed to some extent, and should that undermine all of their positive traits? One might be tempted to ignore faults, especially if they perceive that doing so is characteristic of the special treatment a committed partner should be showing their significant other. But the opposite is true; if one truly loves another, they should call attention to their faults, because one would never wish for their partner to persist in something that brings them torment and suffering. This is one of the signs to look for, is your potential partner someone who seeks self-improvement, and do they refuse to make excuses for their faults. Everyone is flawed, but no one has an excuse to justify their faults and deflect attention from addressing them. A person who makes excuses is not fit for a long-term relationship, because such a relationship will inevitably entail a lot of mistakes, miscommunication, and hurtful activity for both involved. The only way to overcome such things is through humility and self-consciousness, so those who lack either of these traits are questionable options.
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