The story of how I met the One, and how my tale applies to you.
The common factor in any relationship; the one thing shared amongst all of them, regardless of any and all circumstances, is the time of first meeting. Every couple has a story- some mundane, and others astonishing- but something that will always remain true and consistent across the entirety of them is the moment someone confessed their feelings to the other. It had to originate somewhere; the love they both share, and it likely didn't manifest out of thin air. There's a gradual build-up to the moment, whether both feel the desire to approach the other or not. That build-up constituted the way I approached my girlfriend, my soulmate- and there is no doubt in my mind that my success is to be attributed to the life I experienced prior to that moment.
I experienced the same growing pains as any other sexually confused adolescent. The pain and longing I felt in my childhood for love and companionship was best characterized by hubris and insolence. I had no idea what I was truly seeking, or even how to pursue it, but I knew I wanted something meaningful; a relationship with a person deeper than sex or superficiality.
I spent many years stumbling in the dark, and I made many mistakes in pursuing a girlfriend. The first of them was pursuing any woman who I desired for attractiveness alone. I failed to consider something important: what the hell was this relationship going to look like, assuming the girl I desired wanted me too? I didn't even bother to question the values of a prospective partner, which in retrospect, is the most important factor when considering someone to date. I was so desperate and lonely, I was open to the prospect of dating someone with an entirely different set of values, just so I could have someone to call my own. I had no clue what potential negative consequences this would wrought, and had no compunction for doing so until I grew older. Second, I was under the presumption that the manner in which a man should show a woman he's interested is to do "nice" things for her, such as purchasing her extravagant gifts, or conducting grand gestures. As I have explained in prior posts to this blog, such methods are extraordinarily ineffective and embarrassing. Predictably, the girls I fancied did not return my affection, and instead ignored me. These events occurred early in my high school years as a freshman, and I spent the rest of my days in high school and college believing it was simply best not to approach women; if they were interested- and I often told my self they had no reason to be due to a depressive attitude I developed- they would approach me.
After years of waiting and waiting, going out of my way to present myself in the best possible light around women I found attractive, I became increasingly frustrated with my situation. No one approached me, not one, and when a woman did anything remotely resembling a basic social interaction with me, I would perceive it as potential interest. It seems pathetic, and it certainly was, but I was so desperate for affirmation that any woman found me attractive that I jumped to such wild conclusions. I was becoming more and more depressed, believing that I was the scum of the earth, and there must be something uniquely awful or repugnant regarding my apparent qualities. Why else would no woman ask me out, or pursue me. I increasingly invested in my looks, worked out like crazy, bettered my diet, cleaned myself up any way possible, and made more and more attempts to showcase my intelligence and speaking abilities in front of women in class. I even began to stress over literally every insignificant mannerism and aspect of my body. I could not stop dwelling on how the way I was positioning my lips might make my mouth look weird, or how if I didn't pronounce everything I said perfectly, women would consider me lame. It was exhausting. Nothing worked, and I was increasingly considering the option of giving up, not only on receiving the affection of a woman, but on life as a whole.
However, there came day when I experienced an epiphany. Perhaps, the issues wasn't me, nor was it women, nor was it society; maybe it was just me making foolish choices. I wanted to refrain from the bitter and arrogant attitudes that compel some men to blame forces outside of their control for lacking female attention; I have always refrained from doing that, because it truly is the lowest and most pathetic viewpoint for a man. That left only myself, but was it truly my qualities, my literal self holding me back? No, it was my failure to act, to be responsible for my own desires. If I desired something, like with everything else, like with every other thing I was already holding myself accountable for- my training, my schooling, my moral decisions- I would have to work for it.
I've never had much of social life outside school, so my only opportunities to meet women was by attending college courses. Now this next part is one of the reasons I bet my existence on God's existence; one of the reasons I firmly place my ball in the Christians' court. This should not have happened, under any circumstances, but it did. It had to have been orchestrated. It's a miracle that I know I'm going to recall to my children and grandchildren one day; at the very least, I'll be recounting it to all of you. This is how I met the love of my life.
It's actually remarkably simple. I met her in my introductory physics class at my local community college. My future love, easily the most transformational and significant part of my adult life, sat a one row behind, and one column to the left of me. We never interacted, or shared any conversation the entire semester, until the very last two days of class. We were not only strangers, but completely alien to one another. This may seem completely tone deaf given my previous description, but here's the important part. The lessons I learned from my past turned this seemingly irrelevant interaction into one of the greatest events of our mutual lives.
I thought she was insanely attractive from the moment I first noticed her, and you can't deny that if you witnessed the picture at the top of this blog! Not only were features striking and remarkable, she carried herself with elegance and dignity. She was not laid back, or basic, but sophisticated and mannerly. I didn't have to watch closely to discern she was something, someone, special. About two weeks before our brief semester over the Winter was going to end, I decided I was going to approach her. I wasn't going to let another opportunity slip away because of my cowardice, so I resolved myself to do it; however, I kept putting it off and off, not having learned the important lesson I now understand; that if one really wants to make a change, or fulfill something, they must start right away. I was running out of time, and I kept making excuses, such as convincing myself that it simply wasn't the best time, or that I just needed a day or two more before I would be ready. Time was up. It was the final day before our final exam, and there would be no guarantee that if she finished the test before me, I would not be able to see her after class before she left the campus. She would be gone, and I would never had met her.
I'm going to approach her. There she was, in all her radiant beauty, standing at the end of the science building, presumably waiting for someone to pick her up. My mind began to think:
My heart is ready for this rejection. My mind is clear enough to undertake this sadness. I'm likely going to be rejected, it's going to happen, I know it. She's so beautiful; there's no way she doesn't already have a boyfriend. I'm going to be alone when I go home today, but I won't give up. I'll just keep trying and trying, even if it never works, but never giving up is its own virtue.
I walked up to her, and I immediately ran for the hills! I pretended to be searching for something in my backpack while facing away from her, and stood awkwardly still for a moment before leaving the building.
Well, I can just do it tomorrow, since I'm clearly not feeling ready.
I felt relieved and began walking to my car. That's when it struck me; the realization that I had done something terribly wrong. I was a coward. I don't want to be coward; I didn't want to be then, and I will never desire to be so. I deal with all the same fears that men experience. It's difficult to think of anything beyond one's own pleasure, comfort, and self-preservation when fear settles in; it's easy to succumb, and simply give in. There was crossroad presented to me, and it dawned on me. This decision may very well guide the course of the rest of my life: will I live as a weak coward who never rises beyond my own inherent limitations, or will I live to embody strength and honor, to be the man I envisioned in my dreams. Sure it would only be a start, but if I couldn't even ask a girl out- something of so little consequence or danger upon being rejected- I would never be equipped to brave the other challenges of life.
That's it, this is stupid! What am I even afraid of? The worst that will happen is she will reject me. Then I'll eventually forget about her, and move on, and I'll feel better knowing a potential opportunity didn't slip through my fingers.
I went in to talk to her.
She was texting on her phone, leaning against the wall. I approached her, and resolved my mouth to elicit the words my mind were creating, in spite of all reservation to not do so. It may not be an exact transcript of what I said, but this is what I remember speaking.
Hi, my name is Trevor Whitman. It's nice to meet you. I'm in the same physics class as you. I'm just going to cut to the chase. I think you're cute, and I wanted to ask for your number, and see if you would like to go out on a date.
After a moment of hesitation, she said sure, and gave me her phone number. It was the most exhilarating moment of my life, and yet, something so ordinary. The miracle in this story is that after getting to know her, I learned that there was no reason for her to even consider me. She wasn't averse to dating; she wanted to get married one day to someone she loved, but she had a history of degenerate men to form her perception of males as a whole. Despite this, despite how unlikely I was to actually approach her, and how unlikely she was to consider me as a potential partner, she said yes. The rest is history.
The point is to never underestimate the value of any opportunity presented to you. It's not absurd to dream that a chance encounter will lead to something more significant and meaningful than anything that has come before; my story attests to that fact, and yours can too.
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