Why dating apps are risky, and real-life pursuits are less so.
The new generation of youthful seekers of love have placed their bets on online dating. It's fast, it's convenient, and best of all, it's relatively risk free. After all, one can remain anonymous, and spare themselves the social embarrassment of rejection if one of their objects of affection doesn't share the same interest. It also allows people to sift through a much larger group of potential partners, something real life interactions- even amongst the most extroverted of individuals- can't equal. However, there's a dark side to online dating, as well as an uncommon knowledge of the benefits to dating interactions in the real world.
Online Dating fosters Superficiality:
You were probably expecting the first and foremost issue of online dating to be catfishing. While fake identities is certainly a great danger, it's one that can be mitigated by applying safe internet practices. Refraining from sharing information that is too personal for the public, refusing to send inappropriate material, and requiring proof of identity are all good countermeasures; and most important of all, not allowing children to interact with internet strangers unsupervised protects from catfishing. No, the real danger to most people is risk of becoming vain and shallow. Most people who use dating sites can't help but become enamored in the importance of appearance; it's a very important factor in gauging the attractiveness of a stranger's online profile, as well as increasing one's chances of receiving matches. The unfortunate tendency of most is to join such sites with the common sense that the values and personality of prospective partners supersede looks, and then to obsess over the looks of others as well as themselves. This conversion occurs because there is very little substance that can be provided via online interaction. Without question, there are certain people who can have meaningful and engaging relationships over the internet, which transfer into committed relationships in real life; my girlfriend's aunt and uncle did just that. That does not change the fact that most online interactions are brief, perfunctory, and shallow.
Online Dating can cause Depression:
Have you ever been stood up for a date? Well, I certainly have; and precisely because I relied on the perception that using Tinder was easy and consequence free. My profile didn't receive much attention, much to my frustration and grief. Matches on dating sites is social capital, and more than fueling the ego, it can convinces people of their own worth. I staked a lot of my identity on the degree to which I received attention on Tinder, and although very short-lived (I deleted it within a few weeks), it greatly effected my self-image. I didn't receive any matches until one girl matched with me, and contacted me. I got very excited, being my lonely, desperate self, and immediately requested we meet at a restaurant for a date. To keep the story short, she agreed, I showed up, she never did, and after contacting her again, she ghosted me. In retrospect, this was an important learning experience; one that taught me the dangers of investing so much in the fleeting attention of others. But at the time, I was devastated, and it drastically impacted my happiness. I was an emotional wreck; and all of my self-confidence had left me, all over a meaningless and inconsequential online interaction. Fortunately, I had the sense to delete my Tinder account, but many with the same experience are susceptible to relying entirely on peer evaluation for a sense of self worth.
Online Dating deprives you of Experience:
This is where the dating in the real world and online depart from one another to the greatest extent. It's certainly true that real-life can present it's own challenges and heartbreaks. Me and my girlfriend have both experienced harsh experiences; her in harmful relationships, and me in being rejected continuously. However, something we both agree upon based on prior experience is that past suffering has positively impacted our notions of a proper relationship. Past failures serves as sources of learning, and taught us how to discern between different kinds of people, as well as how to interact with the various types. I discussed the various types in a previous blog post, but to keep things brief, there are those who pursue dating for selfish, transactional reasons, and those who do so in pursuit of a meaningful, everlasting bond. So is the answer to simply pursue real-life dating as opposed to online dating? It's not that simple, and if that's not the point that has been presented throughout this blog. The point is pursue superficial relationships at your own risk; doing it right means pursuing something authentic and purposeful, something that exceeds the value of transactional social interaction.
Doing it right means pursuing something real, and that means that whether it's online or in-person, it can't be a sideshow performed to boost your ego.
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