Avoid all of the courtship practices that send women running for the hills.
We've all been there; you're interested in a woman, but you're scared of pursuing her. It's not simply being rejected that troubles you, it's the idea that you deserved to be rejected because you were too forward, or creepy. However, there are a number of ways to safeguard oneself from being perceived as a creep, and they not only protect one's reputation, but better your chances of success.
The Do's:
- Dress nice, but not too nice. A man who invests in his aesthetic qualities not only appears more attractive, but communicates to women that he cares about himself, and is willing to put in the effort to maintain his appearance. Alternatively, a man who dresses poorly demonstrates the opposite; and a man who dresses too nice appears as attention-seeking and self-important.
- Put on deodorant! It shouldn't need to be mentioned, but our bodies invariably produce odors that we ourselves typically can't smell, but women sure do. There's nothing flattering about unpleasant odors, and even if you're a well-maintained guy who showers every day, just one day of forgetting to put on deodorant can create an impression that you're dirty.
- Act normal, trying too hard will make you appear strange. It's not uncommon that men change the way they talk, think, and act around women, especially around ones they are attracted to. However, if you're seeking a relationship with a woman, the last thing she would find appealing in you is a fake personality; and this remains true both before and after a relationship has been fostered between the two of you. Women are adept at sensing when others are putting on a fake front in social interactions, and not only do they feel insulted that you think you can essentially trick them into liking you, but it will be perceived as pathetic behavior. It's equivalent to admitting you're not good enough, so you're trying to be someone else who is worthy of affection.
- Approach casually, and remember, it's not a big deal! Something men tend to do is make a mountain over a mole hill with regards to asking out women. In the end, it's important to keep in mind that at worse, she will reject you and nothing all that consequential will occur in the long run. You're not undergoing a criminal trial; yes, it can be painful to be rejected by a woman, it feels like you've undergone a litmus test to gauge your quality as a man, and that you failed. However, remembering the important fact that her judgement of you does not dictate your actual value falls in line with the foundation of self-confidence, that being a sense of self-worth exclusive of what others think. Women love self-confidence in men, because self-confidence makes men strong, independent, and competitive. Approaching a woman casually, with no grand gestures, making no overbearing proclamations like confessing one's love, is a great way to communicate to a woman that you're not afraid of her, and that you're certainly not just a subject to her judgement.
The Don'ts:
- No grand gestures! A common mistake of men seeking the affection of a woman is to do something extraordinary, something that so extravagant there's no possible way she won't know you're interested in her. This is foolish, for two reasons: first, women appreciate subtlety, and second, they don't like the pressure that comes with grand gestures. A grand gesture is an indirect way of expressing interest in a woman. If you're strangers, or even friends, it will be awkward to receive a gift without any direct offer to go out on a date. Moreover, anyone would feel awkward if they received an extravagant gift from someone, because it makes one feel obligated to return the favor. This will turn her away, so keep gifts cheap and plain until you're in a committed relationship.
- No talking about sex... ever! Putting aside values regarding sex- I recommend abstaining from sex until marriage- no one should ever talk about it before, or even little after, a first date with someone. Sex is something deeply intimate and personal. Nothing is more overbearing, creepy, and way too personal in this stage of dating than talking about your sexual desires with someone- especially if those desires are being directed at a woman who barely knows you. It doesn't even matter if you're friends with one another, talk about sex should be reserved for after you have both formed an official relationship.
- No hiding, stalking, or investigating. What's worse than creeping a girl out? Answer; creeping her out precisely because you're a creep and possibly receiving a restraining order. It's unfortunate when you do nothing wrong, but a girl views you as a creep regardless. No one enjoys being watched closely, especially by a stranger, and looking into the personal details of a girl is a severe violation of boundaries! However, one can certainly earn that status through their actions. It doesn't matter how interested you are in a girl, or how desperate you feel to have a better shot of garnering her interest. It's too risky, it's just plain wrong, and it's not even necessary.
^ Don't be this man! ^
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