If you can't find a partner, and you're feeling hopeless, than follow these steps.
What is an Incel?
Let's go back to the basics. As discussed in previous posts, the core of the dating world is yourself. You can rely on yourself to adhere to values and standards that are important to you, and if you start there, you may just find someone who seeks you out because you reflect the person you wanted in yourself. But what if you're feeling woefully inadequate, or you're not seeing the results you seek from others? Perhaps, in spite of all your wonderful qualities, others still ignore you. Worst, perhaps others are disgusted or creeped out by you; and furthermore, you feel bitter and resentful of others. This might just make you an incel.
Incel is a term based in internet culture, but is nonetheless relevant to real-life. The term is an abbreviation of involuntary celibate, which refers to a man who can't receive sexual intercourse with a woman despite wanting to. Putting aside the term's inherent definitional flaw- celibate being a person who willingly abstains from having sex- it has broadened to encompass a myriad of men who are generally unsuccessful with women, and as a result, have developed a bitter outlook towards the world, society, men, women, themselves, or some combination of the five.
The topic of incels focuses almost exclusively on men, as men are typically more prone to loneliness and deprivation in the realm of relationships and sex. Not to lump all women into the same category, but generally speaking, every woman can find a partner. This is not to suggest that women all have the same ease of acquiring male partners, or peeking the interest of men- some being capable of doing so more than others merely by their appearance. This is just recognizing the fact that while most men will find most women attractive, most women will find most men unattractive. This creates a distribution in which men fill a much larger portion of the margin for hopeless romantics. This is important to keep in mind, as men and women attract the opposite sex for different reasons, and men tend to be the ones falling into one of the following categories.
The three types of Incels:
There are many different types of incels, but a detailed guide will have to be saved for a different time. For now, let's focus on the three basic classifications:
1- Sad-cels: a group of incels that believe they belong to a class of genetically inferior men. They tend to direct most of their ire not towards others, but towards themselves; and they believe that they would be successful with women if only they had been born with better qualities. Depression, anxiety, antisocial behavior, and constant self-deprecating thoughts plague these types of men, and all these characteristics utterly devastate their self confidence and ability to approach members of the opposite sex; moreover, they also inhibit their ability to improve themselves. After all, they think their situation is hopeless, so they resign themselves to failure.
2- Red Pill Incels: a group of incels that blame society, men, and women for their failure in dating. This group of men tend to dwell on the decisions of other men and their female partners with regards to who they date and why they date those particular people; and the problem that is perceived amongst all those various decisions is that the incel was not the one chosen. They tend to believe that all women are shallow, and desire aggressive, callous, and even abusive men in favor of intellectually and morally superior men such as themselves. Their ideological platform is based on a pathological reaction to feeling excluded and unwanted, and so they tend to hold others with success in the realm of sex or relationships as reprehensible. Their scorn and ire tends to manifest in the form of misogyny and spite towards those who reject them. Their lack of self-awareness and accountability is appalling.
3- Black Pill Incels: This is a class of men who epitomize the term "hopeless". They believe that not only is society and those who inhabit it cruel, but that an individual who is not selected by members of the oppositie sex is utterly worthless and might as well commit suicide. These individuals perceive sex, relationships, and procreation as the only sources of meaning and happiness in life; and being deprived of them is the only outcome for people like them, who are by dint of birth, inferior by all means. Some are so radical that they have espoused support for theoretical tyrannical measures that would force people to have sex with "underprivileged" members of society- i.e. them. This category is a marriage of the two former types of incels taken to the extreme.
How to escape being an incel:
So, you might now be wondering if you qualify as an incel, if someone you know might be an incel, or if there is any way to reform incels in society. Regardless of your proclivity towards any of the aforementioned traits and/or beliefs, here's how to fix the situation if you find yourself or someone who know in one of the aforementioned categories:
1- It's time to clean your room: I realize this may sound ridiculous to most, and perhaps you even considered leaving this blog after reading such a stupid solution being mentioned, especially as the first in a series of supposedly life-altering directions; but hear me out. Your life is probably chaos. If you're an incel, you're probably suffering from a tendency to mismanage your time, to organize yourself and the way you think and behave. A symptom of a mismanaged life is an inability to interact with others effectively, and to self-actualize oneself. You probably have far more potential than you realize, and you're probably wasting a lot more of it than you realize. I want you to take a moment to consider this question: just how much time in my day do I waste? Really ponder on that question, and then ask yourself this: how will my life look if I keep wasting that time, and what would it look like if I just started using it for good purposes? Where will I be ten years from now if I chose to change nothing about myself? Would I be happy and successful? For example, what would happen if you took all the time you spent every day on social media, playing videogames, watching TV, or just generally wasting time, and spent it doing productive things such as working out, studying, or developing new skills? It doesn't take a genius or even someone who is particularly self-conscious to realize they're probably wasting too much of their life to self-indulgence and laziness. The problem is that even if one can recognize this, where the hell would they start in fixing their situation? It's not easy to just decide to stop wasting time; in fact, doing so instantly may impossible; not to mention the transition is very threatening, it's going to a be a drastic change in one's life. There's an easy place to start.
CLEAN YOUR ROOM!
It's impossible to build yourself up if your environment is complete trash, and your room is the most intimate and effectual environment in your life. Start by cleaning all that dust, grime, and trash from your room. Move your furniture in the best layout to serve your needs. Buy supplies, and storage for them, so you'll have what you need when you need it. And above all, organize it, so you can get an idea of what's going to occur when you organize yourself. It's looking much better now, right? That's exactly what's going to happen to yourself when you discipline your behavior.
2- Set high standards and strict rules that reflect what you want to be, follow them religiously, and return to them without shame or guilt when you fall off course occasionally- which will happen: So now that you've cleaned your room, you probably learned a few things. First, clean is better than dirty. Some might claim that people looking for cleanliness in their partner is shallowness, but in reality cleanliness is a lot of hard work. It's a sign of good characters when you clean yourself up, it shows that you can manage yourself, and that you're willing to put in the effort to do so. You probably also learned that when you organized your room to fit your needs, it improved the look and functionality of your room as well. The lesson here is that the benefit of something doesn't run only one way. When you made your room more beneficial for you, it benefitted in style and appearance as well. When applied to people the same principle is true. When you act in accordance to good principles, others benefit, and are more likely to reciprocate good acts unto you. So where do these lessons lead us? The answer is simple, set standards that will make you a cleaner, more fulfilling, more purpose-oriented person, and you will receive the attention and acts of people who are similar in nature- in some cases, they might even become like that because they were inspired by you. Now you're in control, and you're starting to get it. Sure, you might not have someone to call your own yet, but at least you're not a slave to fate, simply drifting along with the wind where it may take you. You have a direction, and perhaps you will fall off course on occasion due to life's many obstacles and adversities, but at least you will have a destination. Now, let's get you there.
3- You're doing better, it's time to do your best: It's not enough to just be a better version of yourself, after all, any person can do that. A scumbag who steals candy from children could be better by doing it to rich kids who are not lacking in food, but that would only make him slightly less awful. There's a version of you, a perfectly and absolutely achievable version of you that can be taken hold of, the best you. It may not be perfect, but it's the absolute best in its own class, and has irrevocable value. Not to mention, it would be extremely valuable to others, and particularly to a special someone who would value it above all others. That version of you makes mistakes, but takes responsibility; misses training days, but make up for them by training harder; has both big and small imperfections that are refined and driven out by hard work and perseverance. That's you if you choose to be it. It really is that simple, and no matter how depressed you are, no matter how bleak your life is, no matter if you've spent the last few decades brooding behind a computer screen in a dark room, isolated from the world, spitting venomous, vitriolic comments about how all women are sluts to abusive, conceited men; you can change it all in an instant by having this thought: I'm going to live my life in accordance to being the best version of myself, no matter how long it takes, or how hard it may be, every day for the rest of my life. If you simply do that, you will instantly become irresistible to a far larger swath of members of the opposite sex than before, but only if you truly believe and implement it. Who can resist a person with such overwhelming positivity and optimism for the future, who through their own self-actualization is an unstoppable force for good? It's that kind of person that attracts the best of people. So be your best self, not today, not necessarily ever; just constantly dwell on becoming, on eventually arriving at your best self sometime in the future; and don't be lazy and put it off, spend every day in pursuit of it, and enjoy the infinite joy, passion, and purpose one derives from that. Furthermore, enjoy the love you'll receive from that special someone who will take notice of you, or say yes to your advances, all because you made that change.
If you're looking for hope as an incel; clean your room, that's a start.
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